The holidays are here! Which means that the attorneys in your life will soon expect you to bestow gifts upon them, even though they make $200,000+ and don't like anything.
A quick Google of "gifts for lawyers" only returned lists that are chronically lame (sorry, no one wants a bowtie with scales of justice printed on it), so we decided to throw our hats in the ring and make what we see as the ultimate 2020 Gift Guide for Lawyers.
These gifts are elevated, personal, and sure to be a hit -- even with the most difficult of lawyers.
*the fine print: we don't make any money if you buy from these links. We wish we knew how to monetize this but unfortunately we're not as savvy as those Instagram influencers are.
For the associate working on his or her millionth debt finance transaction of the year:
This silk pillowcase is the ultimate luxury cover for the pillow that they scream into.
All natural and hypoallergenic, it won't leave marks on their face after repeated use.
for the attorney with that client from hell (which is most attorneys):
This Ouija board will help bring levity as they search for answers for their most insane client's unanswerable (and endless) questions.
Sure they may be communicating with demons, but isn't that all in a day's work?
For the In-House Counsel Who's Sick of Everyone Thinking of Them as a "No" Person:
This sweater will let them say what they've been dying to say all year: "YES"!
(But don't worry, the back says "NO," because they will still have to be the adult in the room... as per usual.)
For the counsel who's just been told they're "going to have to wait another year" to be considered for partner:
Stylish vintage brown leather makes this heavy bag blend right into their home office so no one on their Zoom calls will even question why they need something to punch.
For extra points, be sure to include a printed photo of the Managing Partner who decided to make them wait even though their book is twice the size of that idiot who did make partner.
For the workaholic partner whose stress Level is through the roof:
They won't have to stop their doc review or conference calls while they sweat it out in this Personal Sauna from Sharper Image.
Snuggies are such a plebeian option for warming yourself with your hands free. Do you really think a partner wants a gift that could be described as "plebian?"
For the FinTech attorney who's Always Trying to Keep ahead of the trends:
Give them this coin necklace, but keep the chain at first and tell them it's a new type of cryptocurrency called LumpCoin.
You can finally give them the chain after they've spent a while scouring the internet looking for ways to buy up more LumpCoins. They won't mind because it actually is a very stylish necklace.
For the litigator who hasn't left his or her house for months because they're reviewing thousands of pages of documents:
Just because they haven't seen the sun for weeks doesn't mean they should have to suffer from a Vitamin D deficiency.
With this 5,500k sun lamp, the only thing left disrupting their Circadian rhythm will be the partner who calls them at 3am.
For the Attorney Who's Thinking about going In-House for the First Time:
Legendary interior designer Axel Vervoordt shares his favorite Wabi interiors from around the world. "Developed in the twelfth century, Wabi advocates simplicity and humility, the rejection of all that is superfluous or artificial."
The pay-cut that comes with going in-house will mean that they're going to have to get used to rejecting "all that is superfluous or artificial." But at least they'll have their weekends back!
For the associate who's worried about going back to the office and those long nights away from home:
They've been spoiled during the pandemic with the ability to actually sleep in their own bed.
This top of the line sleeping bag is a great way to ease them back into catching some zzz's at their desk. They'll be so comfortable that they'll only barely miss the presence of their significant other.
And, if all else fails....
Just give them cold, hard cash. It's the one thing we know all lawyers love.